Female Empowerment?

Blog post I started a year ago and finished today...

Hey everyone, (I really have to stop using the plural... wishful thinking)

I would have never guessed that working as a strategic tutor would open my eyes to so many things that are wrong with the world and my perception of it. So that being said lets get to the meat of this wonderful blog. Until very recently I had been on this supposed "I'm a woman and I'm ok with it" kick; which means that I had finally come to terms with what the Latino (religious inspired) culture had established the place for women was.  Thanks to my female students I have had a change of heart.

I assume that what I was referring to was being comfortable with being a feminine woman. What I mean by that is being ok with liking makeup and heels and all things (most things) girlie. I served in a bilingual high school classroom with students that had spent less than three years living in the U.S. and were heavily influenced by the media. What I liked was that even at that age they were comfortable with who they were.

I had decided to go natural that year and still struggled with it. I straightened  my hair so that kids would respect me and sometimes I would wear makeup. I had conversations with my co-workers on how wearing makeup was not making me be a conformist but how I was actually being who I wanted to be. My Latina mentoring group proved me wrong.

They were much more courageous than I was. They owned their quirkiness, their individuality and their weaknesses. They were strong because they were weak. They cried because they didn't understand why people always tried to change who they wanted to be. They fought because they wanted the choice to be original and they rocked my world.

Before them, I made changes in my appearance because I wanted to be accepted; after them, I made changes in my appearance because I wanted the world to accept them. A year later I am the girl with the big Afro who students instantly recognize. I wear what I like when I like and I'm never less than a feminine woman for doing so. The best feeling in the world is having your students recognize their own power and knowing that you are their example. I loved the first time I heard "I don't have to do anything I don't want, Ms. Paola does not do it!"

Now instead of  being on my "I'm a woman and ok with it" kick, I am empowered to be me which is much more than just a woman. Thank you to "The Originals," for making this happen. You are stronger than you know.

Never let it be said that a modern mind cannot finish a vintage thought ; )

L.O.V.E.

So I have been in a relationship for about three months now... A recent record. My usual time limit to know if something is going to work or not is that time right after the first month but not yet the second month... Or the 6 week trial. Regardless my extremely intelligent yet enfuriating partner has made it to three months. Congrats! This blog post is centered, if you have not noticed before, in the things that I have been thinking about, freaking out about and just the general nonsense that goes on in my head when I have time to think.

One of my closest and insightful friends posted a blog about why she was not necesarily excited about getting married and her reasons why. Here it is if you want to check it out http://fishonbikes.blogspot.com/2013/04/why-im-not-excited-to-get-married.html. This and a conversation about marriage with an ex made me think about my own relationship. Yes it has only been three months, but when you know, you know... Although I am usually private about such things I consider it ok to write about this in this space because I do not have tons of readers : ).

Let me get to the point. Recently I have been thinking about that mandatory phrase that commited couples feel the need to say all the time, and to which I may have fallen victim,"I love you." I'm both terified and fascinated by the power that phrase holds, at some point in my life you could never get me to utter those three words. Yet here I am, repeating them to someone.

What I want to do is to stop saying them. You may wonder why, so I will give you my reasons. I'm in a long distance relationship, where I can't really physically express my feelings for my partner. I rely on cute text messages, the ocasional picture and the even more foreign phone call. We say the phrase alot, and honestly I'm a little tired of it. I've had an itch about it. I can't really explain when it started, maybe when I would feel irritated we didn't say them to each other or when we went a week without having a meaningful conversation because we were both so busy. The point is I'm trying to take them out of our rotation.

You know that saying that "your actions speak louder than your words?" That is what I am going for. I don't have to repeat the words every single night, I don't have to rely on these eight letters to express how commited I am to this relationship. All I have to do is show it. The problem is I'm so used to saying them that I have no idea how to prove it. I was using them as a filler, the same way I say umm  and like when I have the need to ramble.

So I'm taking a stand against saying I love you and I will be trying to make my actions speak louder than this overused phrase. This is going to be fun... Please tell me you read the sarcasm dripping from that sentence.

Until next time when my vintage thoughts have nothing to do with my modern mind.  

PS
Sorry Eva for using your great post in my ramblings.