First, let me just say that I pretty much suck at this whole blogging consistently. However, I am trying to be a responsible adult. The first thing I did was find someone to edit my posts (I’m terrified of the judgment since I think in Spanish and write in English), second thing I’m going to do is complete the blog challenge I started. But first, a whole new blog!
I’m going through a major change. Not only did I turn the big 2-5 (is that even a relevant age) but I decided that this year will be my most selfish one yet. What does that mean? To me it means that if you are not doing anything to contribute to my well being you are gone!
I started with my closet; I have an unnecessary amount of shoes and clothing. So I decided I was going to do major facelift to my step-in closet. Getting rid of clothes was easy, I just had to try it on, hate it on the spot and move on. My shoes, on the other hand, were a different story. You see, I intend to be the next Imelda Marcos, not the whole bad politician but the obsessive shoe owner side of her. I was only able to give away one pair, and it was these ugly red suede boots I got a long time ago because they were on sale. Anyway back to the point of this blog post. As I was deciding what shoes I would keep I realized I was justifying why I was keeping them. You know the whole “well I can use them with so many outfits” or “I know I have another pair of black leather pumps but these have a vintage feel to them.” Trust me all these were valid arguments in my head. There was one problem… I realized I did the same thing to my memories.
If you’ve read my blog before you know I talked about a significant other. We were together for a little over 7 months. Honestly the ending is such a blur that it could be more like 8 months. All of it was long distance. I have no actual memories of things we did together which is a problem because I tend to embellish my memories with feelings. What I mean is that I will recall what I was doing and then I will “remember” how I felt. With this person I over-embellish. There was nothing nice about the long, drawn out break up. It was difficult, painful and funny. If I told you the story you would just have to laugh at how ridiculous it was. The thing is that when I remember it, now that this person is finally living in the same state, I don’t completely recall the crappy ending; I remember the sweet texts that have been deleted, the falling asleep together via Skype and our weird Voxer phase. Even now as I write this I realize I’m making it seem better than it was sometimes.
This year will be my most selfish year because I refuse to keep shoes that hurt my feet (although I might keep my wonderful 5 inch nude pumps). I refuse to let anyone that hurt me, made me think less of myself and even question my values back into my life. So readers, be selfish, don’t justify their actions, do what makes you happy and content. Only do those things that add to your life and allow you to sleep in peace. Be grown!
Until next time when I just have to vent about something vintage (my ex) that wants to make it into my modern life,
Monday, April 28, 2014
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Day 2: When being single sucks...
Two posts in one night? What?
This challenge is actually pretty relevant to my life right now. I recently saw a video about a popular comedian who was talking about his reasons for not liking cell phones. In this video there is a portion that he talks about why people use cell phones, his reasoning is that people use it when they are lonely. They use it to feel connected to something, or someone.
This brings me to the question.
A moment when being single sucks...
For me its the moments when I'm not busy, when I have a chance to breathe and realize that I'm going to go back to my apartment and I'll have no one to share it with.
Surprisingly its not during the obvious times. You would think its when I'm watching a romantic comedy, or when I'm reading a historical romance or even when I'm helping one of my closest friends plan her wedding. No I don't think being single sucks during these moments, at least not for me.
Being single sucks when I continue to succeed in something and having someone seems unattainable because I feel men will be intimidated or when there is a prolonged moment of silence. These moments come unexpectedly, I'll be laughing, planning something or reading and then the moment comes.
I'll feel lonely, sometimes even unworthy. I let the moment take me, I shed tears if I have to and then I go back to whatever it is I was doing.
I can't believe I'm going to post this.
Oh well, this is supposed to be my therapy.
Adios, until my vintage thoughts clash with my modern mind,
Day 1: Why am I still single?
In an effort to start writing again and to save money on the many issues I'm sure I have, I have decided to enter this blogging challenge. Here goes nothing.
How do I respond to that question? It depends who is asking.
If it happens to be my grandmother (or any other female family member) I will most likely say I am to busy or selfish to share my life with anyone else.
It its a handsome man, I will most likely say something terribly sarcastic, because I have recently discovered that this is how I flirt.
But if I was being completely honest I would say...
The reason I'm single is because I have something I'm looking for, a high standard for love and what a relationship should look like. I simply cannot bring myself to settle for something that at the root is not that. I've tried to convince myself that love is a fairytale and that its for die-hard romantics but at the end of the day I know what I want.
So until I find someone I can be myself with, someone that shares my love for service, someone that wants to share who they are with me and will take care of me as if I was their most prized possession, someone who will allow me to be the leader I am and who in return will let me be their biggest cheerleader, until then, I will be single.
So when people ask me Why are you still single I will respond, I'm not ready for him yet.
Ciao world, until my vintage thoughts clash with my modern mind,
Friday, April 12, 2013
Female Empowerment?
Blog post I started a year ago and finished today...
Hey everyone, (I really have to stop using the plural... wishful thinking)
I would have never guessed that working as a strategic tutor would open my eyes to so many things that are wrong with the world and my perception of it. So that being said lets get to the meat of this wonderful blog. Until very recently I had been on this supposed "I'm a woman and I'm ok with it" kick; which means that I had finally come to terms with what the Latino (religious inspired) culture had established the place for women was. Thanks to my female students I have had a change of heart.
I assume that what I was referring to was being comfortable with being a feminine woman. What I mean by that is being ok with liking makeup and heels and all things (most things) girlie. I served in a bilingual high school classroom with students that had spent less than three years living in the U.S. and were heavily influenced by the media. What I liked was that even at that age they were comfortable with who they were.
I had decided to go natural that year and still struggled with it. I straightened my hair so that kids would respect me and sometimes I would wear makeup. I had conversations with my co-workers on how wearing makeup was not making me be a conformist but how I was actually being who I wanted to be. My Latina mentoring group proved me wrong.
They were much more courageous than I was. They owned their quirkiness, their individuality and their weaknesses. They were strong because they were weak. They cried because they didn't understand why people always tried to change who they wanted to be. They fought because they wanted the choice to be original and they rocked my world.
Before them, I made changes in my appearance because I wanted to be accepted; after them, I made changes in my appearance because I wanted the world to accept them. A year later I am the girl with the big Afro who students instantly recognize. I wear what I like when I like and I'm never less than a feminine woman for doing so. The best feeling in the world is having your students recognize their own power and knowing that you are their example. I loved the first time I heard "I don't have to do anything I don't want, Ms. Paola does not do it!"
Now instead of being on my "I'm a woman and ok with it" kick, I am empowered to be me which is much more than just a woman. Thank you to "The Originals," for making this happen. You are stronger than you know.
Never let it be said that a modern mind cannot finish a vintage thought ; )
Hey everyone, (I really have to stop using the plural... wishful thinking)
I would have never guessed that working as a strategic tutor would open my eyes to so many things that are wrong with the world and my perception of it. So that being said lets get to the meat of this wonderful blog. Until very recently I had been on this supposed "I'm a woman and I'm ok with it" kick; which means that I had finally come to terms with what the Latino (religious inspired) culture had established the place for women was. Thanks to my female students I have had a change of heart.
I assume that what I was referring to was being comfortable with being a feminine woman. What I mean by that is being ok with liking makeup and heels and all things (most things) girlie. I served in a bilingual high school classroom with students that had spent less than three years living in the U.S. and were heavily influenced by the media. What I liked was that even at that age they were comfortable with who they were.
I had decided to go natural that year and still struggled with it. I straightened my hair so that kids would respect me and sometimes I would wear makeup. I had conversations with my co-workers on how wearing makeup was not making me be a conformist but how I was actually being who I wanted to be. My Latina mentoring group proved me wrong.
They were much more courageous than I was. They owned their quirkiness, their individuality and their weaknesses. They were strong because they were weak. They cried because they didn't understand why people always tried to change who they wanted to be. They fought because they wanted the choice to be original and they rocked my world.
Before them, I made changes in my appearance because I wanted to be accepted; after them, I made changes in my appearance because I wanted the world to accept them. A year later I am the girl with the big Afro who students instantly recognize. I wear what I like when I like and I'm never less than a feminine woman for doing so. The best feeling in the world is having your students recognize their own power and knowing that you are their example. I loved the first time I heard "I don't have to do anything I don't want, Ms. Paola does not do it!"
Now instead of being on my "I'm a woman and ok with it" kick, I am empowered to be me which is much more than just a woman. Thank you to "The Originals," for making this happen. You are stronger than you know.
Never let it be said that a modern mind cannot finish a vintage thought ; )
L.O.V.E.
So I have been in a relationship for about three months now... A recent record. My usual time limit to know if something is going to work or not is that time right after the first month but not yet the second month... Or the 6 week trial. Regardless my extremely intelligent yet enfuriating partner has made it to three months. Congrats! This blog post is centered, if you have not noticed before, in the things that I have been thinking about, freaking out about and just the general nonsense that goes on in my head when I have time to think.
One of my closest and insightful friends posted a blog about why she was not necesarily excited about getting married and her reasons why. Here it is if you want to check it out http://fishonbikes.blogspot.com/2013/04/why-im-not-excited-to-get-married.html. This and a conversation about marriage with an ex made me think about my own relationship. Yes it has only been three months, but when you know, you know... Although I am usually private about such things I consider it ok to write about this in this space because I do not have tons of readers : ).
Let me get to the point. Recently I have been thinking about that mandatory phrase that commited couples feel the need to say all the time, and to which I may have fallen victim,"I love you." I'm both terified and fascinated by the power that phrase holds, at some point in my life you could never get me to utter those three words. Yet here I am, repeating them to someone.
What I want to do is to stop saying them. You may wonder why, so I will give you my reasons. I'm in a long distance relationship, where I can't really physically express my feelings for my partner. I rely on cute text messages, the ocasional picture and the even more foreign phone call. We say the phrase alot, and honestly I'm a little tired of it. I've had an itch about it. I can't really explain when it started, maybe when I would feel irritated we didn't say them to each other or when we went a week without having a meaningful conversation because we were both so busy. The point is I'm trying to take them out of our rotation.
You know that saying that "your actions speak louder than your words?" That is what I am going for. I don't have to repeat the words every single night, I don't have to rely on these eight letters to express how commited I am to this relationship. All I have to do is show it. The problem is I'm so used to saying them that I have no idea how to prove it. I was using them as a filler, the same way I say umm and like when I have the need to ramble.
So I'm taking a stand against saying I love you and I will be trying to make my actions speak louder than this overused phrase. This is going to be fun... Please tell me you read the sarcasm dripping from that sentence.
Until next time when my vintage thoughts have nothing to do with my modern mind.
PS
Sorry Eva for using your great post in my ramblings.
One of my closest and insightful friends posted a blog about why she was not necesarily excited about getting married and her reasons why. Here it is if you want to check it out http://fishonbikes.blogspot.com/2013/04/why-im-not-excited-to-get-married.html. This and a conversation about marriage with an ex made me think about my own relationship. Yes it has only been three months, but when you know, you know... Although I am usually private about such things I consider it ok to write about this in this space because I do not have tons of readers : ).
Let me get to the point. Recently I have been thinking about that mandatory phrase that commited couples feel the need to say all the time, and to which I may have fallen victim,"I love you." I'm both terified and fascinated by the power that phrase holds, at some point in my life you could never get me to utter those three words. Yet here I am, repeating them to someone.
What I want to do is to stop saying them. You may wonder why, so I will give you my reasons. I'm in a long distance relationship, where I can't really physically express my feelings for my partner. I rely on cute text messages, the ocasional picture and the even more foreign phone call. We say the phrase alot, and honestly I'm a little tired of it. I've had an itch about it. I can't really explain when it started, maybe when I would feel irritated we didn't say them to each other or when we went a week without having a meaningful conversation because we were both so busy. The point is I'm trying to take them out of our rotation.
You know that saying that "your actions speak louder than your words?" That is what I am going for. I don't have to repeat the words every single night, I don't have to rely on these eight letters to express how commited I am to this relationship. All I have to do is show it. The problem is I'm so used to saying them that I have no idea how to prove it. I was using them as a filler, the same way I say umm and like when I have the need to ramble.
So I'm taking a stand against saying I love you and I will be trying to make my actions speak louder than this overused phrase. This is going to be fun... Please tell me you read the sarcasm dripping from that sentence.
Until next time when my vintage thoughts have nothing to do with my modern mind.
PS
Sorry Eva for using your great post in my ramblings.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Lets do this!
Ok so I was thinking that maybe I should get this "I'm starting my new job" blog post over with...
On Monday I start my service commitment for 10 months with City Year Milwaukee which ended up being a better fit for now instead of the Peace Corps. Along with a spanking brand new snazzy uniform I get to meet around 60-70 new people and that ladies and gentlemen is FREAKING me out... But I'm also nervous about these new places I'm about to go to, not literally since I'm staying in Milwaukee, but I will most definitely be leaving my comfort zone and my social butterfly switch will most likely be on the "on" setting all the time (how exhausting) regardless, its a different world that I'm not used to and maybe it will take some getting used to. One thing I know for sure I'm going to try my best to enjoy it!
Ok now that the above message has been shared let us get to the nitty gritty : )
So I decided to go to Wisconsin's greatest festival for Heart Attacks Waiting to Happen... or in other words Wisconsin State Fair and because the day was gloomy and I was going against my will (only a little) I dressed while putting little effort... translation would be literally my comfy mom jeans (can you still call them that if you are not a mom?), a blah grey T-Shirt, because it was chilly a yellow scarf, and my sensible black flats. No makeup, nothing special to the hair and I didn't even bother with contacts. I was attempting to send a message, IT DIDN'T COME THROUGH! So here I am being called over by a guy that seems to be selling something so like the shopaholic I am I approach him... Little did I know it was to get my number and to be my friend.... 8 - /...
Although I have to give him points for properly introducing himself, he quickly lost them when he went for the number after the introduction... Really? Sorry I don't give my number like that. Second fail? Asking if we could be friends when your intentions were far from friendship. Third fail? Assuming the reason I did not give you my number was because you were African-American.
This my friends made it very very very easy to walk away from him.
Although I did get flustered because my friends ditched me in my moment of need, I knew that that was not what I expect an approach to be like.
Perfect approach?
It has to be confident but not overly so, sweet but not melodramatic, there must be an interest expressed and there has to be a wow factor... In short, I'll know when I see it.
Maybe he could have complemented the color of my scarf, asked my name before my number...
Oh boys please go back in time and learn from the real men.
Seriously wishing I was stuck in a movie with Gregory Peck, Cary Grant or Gene Kelly... I'm not picky you choose.
Until next time, when my vintage dreams clash with my modern reality
On Monday I start my service commitment for 10 months with City Year Milwaukee which ended up being a better fit for now instead of the Peace Corps. Along with a spanking brand new snazzy uniform I get to meet around 60-70 new people and that ladies and gentlemen is FREAKING me out... But I'm also nervous about these new places I'm about to go to, not literally since I'm staying in Milwaukee, but I will most definitely be leaving my comfort zone and my social butterfly switch will most likely be on the "on" setting all the time (how exhausting) regardless, its a different world that I'm not used to and maybe it will take some getting used to. One thing I know for sure I'm going to try my best to enjoy it!
Ok now that the above message has been shared let us get to the nitty gritty : )
So I decided to go to Wisconsin's greatest festival for Heart Attacks Waiting to Happen... or in other words Wisconsin State Fair and because the day was gloomy and I was going against my will (only a little) I dressed while putting little effort... translation would be literally my comfy mom jeans (can you still call them that if you are not a mom?), a blah grey T-Shirt, because it was chilly a yellow scarf, and my sensible black flats. No makeup, nothing special to the hair and I didn't even bother with contacts. I was attempting to send a message, IT DIDN'T COME THROUGH! So here I am being called over by a guy that seems to be selling something so like the shopaholic I am I approach him... Little did I know it was to get my number and to be my friend.... 8 - /...
Although I have to give him points for properly introducing himself, he quickly lost them when he went for the number after the introduction... Really? Sorry I don't give my number like that. Second fail? Asking if we could be friends when your intentions were far from friendship. Third fail? Assuming the reason I did not give you my number was because you were African-American.
This my friends made it very very very easy to walk away from him.
Although I did get flustered because my friends ditched me in my moment of need, I knew that that was not what I expect an approach to be like.
Perfect approach?
It has to be confident but not overly so, sweet but not melodramatic, there must be an interest expressed and there has to be a wow factor... In short, I'll know when I see it.
Maybe he could have complemented the color of my scarf, asked my name before my number...
Oh boys please go back in time and learn from the real men.
Seriously wishing I was stuck in a movie with Gregory Peck, Cary Grant or Gene Kelly... I'm not picky you choose.
Until next time, when my vintage dreams clash with my modern reality
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